Back when the summer was fresh and new, when I had caught up from lack of sleep after studying all night on Shavuot; when the smell of smoke from the bonfires of Lag B’Omer was gone from my cloths; and when Passover was a distant memory… I looked ahead toward Elul and basked in the glory of NOT having to wake up so early.
You see, I really DO like my sleep.
And as the summer continued, I took comfort knowing that no matter what else was going on the alarm clock was not going to shock me into conciousness at 5am.
But then Tisha B’Av loomed closer on the calendar. And then it was past, and Rosh Chodesh began coming toward me the proverbial freight train.
And now I find myself having to accept that waking up early is how my day will start for the remainder of the month.
Which is really a way of saying that emotionally, I need to accept that Rosh Hashana – and all that comes with the holiday – is here. It is time to take account of my actions and choices over the past year, and accept them for what they are – good or bad. It is time to accept that there are consequences for those actions and choices. To accept that part of the human experience is to make mistakes. To accept that fasts must not just be observed, but also allowed to impact my soul. To accept that apologies are necessary and must be sincerely given.
I need to accept that the only person who can affect the changes that are needed is me.